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TW : December 18th, 2017.
Please do not hesitate to leave this post if you feel it is still too difficult to see anything related to this particular date. You are your top priority. Take care, everyone.
This particular part of SMTOWN's song Dear My Family lingered in my train of thoughts, specially that night on December 18th, 2017.
I was in great despair for several months because of it. It took a little while to kick in before I noticed that I was actually grieving. How couldn’t I? On my social media, I have shared before that he was the very first person whom made me started caring about K-Pop. When I heard his voice the first time, in an awe I asked myself, “Is this really a part of K-Pop? Amazing!”
As I dug more into it then, I found out that he was not only a great musician. Jonghyun was a person with great and wonderful sensibility. Also, it was incredibly cool of him to be very open about relatively sensitive issues, including his depression. I also thought that he was a very brave and a strong person for talking about these topics. He was a sensible person whose upbringing I expected to see in a best friend I have yet to find for many years. Hence, his departure to me, feels like I have lost a good friend. And I... I have lost my first love in K-Pop.
How I handled his early departure from this world was like a journey that ends nowhere. During those several months, I contemplated a lot and I felt as if I was just being here for the sake of being here. The frequency of me crying alone at night increased significantly as well. I could listen to a very calming song and started bawling on my own. I felt really, really empty. It was like when he left, a large part of me went with him too. I thought this mourning would never end.
But then again, it was not the case. In the middle of this year, I feel I am slowly recovering. It naturally occurred when I saw the other SHINee members started promoting again and in general my SNS timeline were not as much in despair as before. I manage generating power to create a new light. At the time, I feel that us humans really are powerful entities. We are a bunch of fools sometimes but we are also a bunch of cool kids with our own ways to cope and support each other.
Moving forward, it is not going to hurt as much anymore when I listen to his songs or his voice. I feel I should celebrate his legacy a lot more instead. We could not see in his physical form anymore but I believe he is still here with us as, of course, the Light itself.
Kim Jong Hyun is and will always have a special place in my heart. Thank you very much for everything. I (still) adore and love you a lot.I hope there will be another day when I could see you again.
To put a closure to this post, here is a song that I listen a lot. The song title is I'll Stand by You. It is a song by The Pretenders and have been covered by numerous artists. Amber Riley, whose cover I post below this post, was one of them. With no ill intent to disrespect the context of this wonderful song cover, I hope through this song everyone who stops by to read this could find strength to go through upcoming days, weeks, months, and even years.
Let's be more generous to ourselves. Let ourselves to be more vulnerable to our respective significant others. Tell them when we are happy. Let them know when we are upset. We could be strong but even the most fit-looking tree falters at times and need to be taken care of.
Also don't forget to be more keen about our surrounding. Reach out to those who might need to be accompanied. Give them time to open up. Let's refrain ourselves from judging them. Let them know we are present for them.
To each one of us who are still present today, you are precious. We all are.
TW : December 18th, 2017.
Please do not hesitate to leave this post if you feel it is still too difficult to see anything related to this particular date. You are your top priority. Take care, everyone.
One year ago today, I suffered the greatest heartache in my life. All I could remember were the cloudy sky, the wind at night, and my attempt to complete the final semester assignment at the time before wailing in my room at midnight while listening to his songs and scrolling my social media timeline, hoping it was just a part of a horrendously written nightmare. Unfortunately, that was not the case.
This particular part of SMTOWN's song Dear My Family lingered in my train of thoughts, specially that night on December 18th, 2017.
때론 혼자라고 느꼈을 때가 있었죠
많이 울었던 지난날의 내 모습에
얼마나 마음이 아팠을까요
힘들었을까요
이제서야 난 알 것만 같아요
(There were times when I felt alone
Many of my past days were filled with crying
How painful must it have been for you
How hard must it have been for you
Now I finally realize)
많이 울었던 지난날의 내 모습에
얼마나 마음이 아팠을까요
힘들었을까요
이제서야 난 알 것만 같아요
(There were times when I felt alone
Many of my past days were filled with crying
How painful must it have been for you
How hard must it have been for you
Now I finally realize)
I was in great despair for several months because of it. It took a little while to kick in before I noticed that I was actually grieving. How couldn’t I? On my social media, I have shared before that he was the very first person whom made me started caring about K-Pop. When I heard his voice the first time, in an awe I asked myself, “Is this really a part of K-Pop? Amazing!”
As I dug more into it then, I found out that he was not only a great musician. Jonghyun was a person with great and wonderful sensibility. Also, it was incredibly cool of him to be very open about relatively sensitive issues, including his depression. I also thought that he was a very brave and a strong person for talking about these topics. He was a sensible person whose upbringing I expected to see in a best friend I have yet to find for many years. Hence, his departure to me, feels like I have lost a good friend. And I... I have lost my first love in K-Pop.
But then again, it was not the case. In the middle of this year, I feel I am slowly recovering. It naturally occurred when I saw the other SHINee members started promoting again and in general my SNS timeline were not as much in despair as before. I manage generating power to create a new light. At the time, I feel that us humans really are powerful entities. We are a bunch of fools sometimes but we are also a bunch of cool kids with our own ways to cope and support each other.
Moving forward, it is not going to hurt as much anymore when I listen to his songs or his voice. I feel I should celebrate his legacy a lot more instead. We could not see in his physical form anymore but I believe he is still here with us as, of course, the Light itself.
 |
| So I became winter. Warmer than expected. |
To put a closure to this post, here is a song that I listen a lot. The song title is I'll Stand by You. It is a song by The Pretenders and have been covered by numerous artists. Amber Riley, whose cover I post below this post, was one of them. With no ill intent to disrespect the context of this wonderful song cover, I hope through this song everyone who stops by to read this could find strength to go through upcoming days, weeks, months, and even years.
Let's be more generous to ourselves. Let ourselves to be more vulnerable to our respective significant others. Tell them when we are happy. Let them know when we are upset. We could be strong but even the most fit-looking tree falters at times and need to be taken care of.
Also don't forget to be more keen about our surrounding. Reach out to those who might need to be accompanied. Give them time to open up. Let's refrain ourselves from judging them. Let them know we are present for them.
To each one of us who are still present today, you are precious. We all are.
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